Carlo and I have been kicking around what would happen if a car company only employed people from the telecoms background. This is what we came up with.
1. New cars would come with wheels that you need to change before you can drive it on A roads and you’ll need to reconfigure the brakes before they work.
2. Ads for every car will promise speeds up to 450 miles per hour.
3. Access to gears 4, 5 and 6 will be hidden.
4. Changing lanes sometimes makes the car stall.
5. Running costs are a closely guarded secret. But what is clear is a surcharge if you exceed 8,000 furlongs and 3 chains a month and driving your car outside your country of residence makes you eligible for a very nasty surprise indeed.
6. You can listen to the radio — but it costs extra.
7. When you buy a car, you have to promise to keep it for two years, during which you can only use one brand of fuel – although some shady garages will “unlock” your car. You can also refuel over the air, as well as garages but over the air costs twice as much as it’s so convenient and cool.
8. Every car converts into a submarine, a hair dryer, a solarium, a sauna, a cooker and a toaster. The main benefit of car ownership becomes “she sure makes grrrreat toast”.
9. You’ll notice quirky little changes in the car controls depending on the manufacturer. Some cars put the gas pedal on the left, some favour the traditional right – with hilarious results!
10. Come on… you have a go. Leave a comment with some ideas!
(Pic from Car Art Agency).
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